KROO here's gotta little story fo' yoo

 

All you leel keedz who think they'll hate it

We'll give you tha option at the bottom to rate it

 

Now dis be tha first story from KROO about growin' up in da hood of the suburbs. Iz call

 

 

 

Chapta ONE on tha dial

 

* * *

 

 

"Yo Tayron! Wassap?" yelled Curt, mah man from neggs doe'. In mah hood, he wuz dis doo' in dis white house like all big and shit. He musta had da biggest house in da hood.

 

"Yo Curt,"  I responded back fast as a muthafuckin viper an' shit. He approached me an' look inside mah liquor bag.

 

"Whachu you gots in there yo?" he say.

 

"Jes some double deuces, nah mind ya' damn ole' biznass," I said. He wasn't frontin' tho' and he looked kinda offendizad.

 

"Aight, aight, dayum cuz," he said, backin' off. I din give a shit tho' cuz doo' was all up in mah shit. I gotsta tell the man what time it is.

 

"Nah go'heed wid dat shit," I said. "I'll see you latah, foshizell."

 

And wid dat, I lef. Nah, I know what ya'lls be thinkin. What da fuck dis story gotsta do wid a doo' named Keif? Dis is Tayron. Well, ya'll impatient bitchez need to go'heed wid dat impatience shit cos Keif be mah bruvah. My fo ril bruva, not like Curt my bruvah from neggs doe'. Yeeuh, so anyways befo' yallz be all up in mah shit aksin me what time it is, Imalready at mah house, and Keif is chillin' in da crib playin' da new illest Play Station 2 game, "Soul Caliber 2". Dayum dat shit is tight--an' like, I know dat tha X-Box got Spawn and tha Gamecube got Link, but like, so fuggin what yo. PS2 kick all they asses out da doe' all da time.

 

"Yo Keif!" I yell. Keif is like all up in da game, and isn't payin no mahnd, so I had ta get Last Dragon on his ass and knock tha fuckin' game controlluh outta his hand.

 

"YO MUTHAFUCKA I WUZ IN ROUND 2 CUZIN!" he yell. Dayumn Keif is such a bitch sometime. But I was like, you know, the controller isn't mines anyway.

 

"Yo Keif, I got yo double deuces so shut the fuck up, yo," I said, settin mahsef down on tha bed. In Keif's room, dey's all kinds a shit round like postahs on tha wall of old school mothafuckas, Run DMC, jahmean, he had like Curtis Blow, jahmean, and Milli Vanilli. But he ain' all that when it come to designin his room cos he had tha bed all up against the wall and his TV wasn't even in plain sight, ya had ta like get a chair or some shit like dat--his TV was like, right after you get in tha room, it was right to yo lef. Jahmean, so it was like...damn, Keif, jes set it up so's yo bed is like facin tha wall, and tha TV is against the wall. You can set on tha bed, while some doo' set on a chair. But Keif is muthafuckin stupid when it come to shit like that.

 

Anyway, he went back to his game, and cracked open a double deuce, and we shnazzled dat shit down our throat and then we wuz like...lez go to tha mall. It be pretty dayumn early on a Saturday, and like, Keif say he needed a new hoodie and some pants and so I wuz like..yeah, aight.

 

"We go up, hit tha JC," he say.

 

"Wachu mean, the Penny? I-ow-no, jahmean dat shit is like...espensive an' shit," I say because is true, you nah'mean, dat shit is way overpriced. Ida ratha go to tha Lord & Taylor or tha Express fo Men, but he wuz all sure about tha JC.

 

"Nah nah," he say, "they got a sale today mothafucka, thirdy pehcent awf."

 

Well, cuzin, we wuz rollin' anyway--cos I needed ta go to tha Sam Goody and get tha new Boss Rafadelious album nah'mean?

 

Nah, we need a new chaptah.

 

chaptah TOO up in dis bitch

 

* * *

 

Chaptah too is a lot like chaptah one, nahmsayin' but is like, the story has moved foward to tha mall. I coulda tole ya'll bout the ride ovah to tha mall, but is like not really essentishizal to tha story, so ah said fuck it. What was tight, though, was that we got dis fine ass parkin' space dat dis one mothafucka was tryin to smoove his way into, but I had mah ride all aggressive and yo boy wuz like..."Nah, mothafucka!" and so I got in tha space first. I had mah turn signal all on, and I had my game face AWN! And I was like, AH SHOW YOU WHAT TIME IT IS! So doo' jes ride on, and I was like, dayum right. When Keif and I was out, we had like maybe twinny steps to get into tha mall.

 

One we wuz in, is like, the mall can be a ril damn pain in tha ass cuz doo's be ridin' thoo' wid they girls and shit, and Keif and I was just like, aight, damn, jes get a hold of ya'llzselves. Keif is like a little smaller than me, so I gotsta be in tha driva's seat when it come to running thoo' tha mall. And tha worse part is, that Keif is like all up in tha stow's all like..."I want dis," "I want dat," and shit, and it's irrizizitating. So we gotsta move quick, and like, we try parkin' in fronna tha Penny, but we be in tha mix, and so we always like...nah, nah, we go thoo' tha food court first. Show everybody what DAY it is. Sometime we like rappin' thoo' tha place too, like

 

 

Then summody jes come up to you and say, "Yo!" and so it messes up tha rythem and we say is over then. Dis time, it be KEIF dat interruptizad tha mix cuz he saw dis leather coat at Wilson's dat he wuz like, "Damn cuddy, I want dat!" But what ya'llz gotsta rilize is that Keif don't make enuff money to be buyin' no damn leather coat. He need to work mo' overtime and I tell him dat shit all tha time but he don't listen. So I tell him to go'heed wid dat shit, and work mo' owas, den we move on.

 

We wuz like five seconds from da Penny when alludasudden, Keif stops AGAIN cos he sees tha most ill shit in tha "Electronics Boutique"--he see MacDawgnawld's and Cree'O playin' "NBA Live Twofounsandandfo'."

 

Ah must say, firzdival that Jamal Mashburn is a BEAST on that game, an' on tha Twofousandandfree editizion ah wuz tha Hornets, and they wuz aight, but I figured on dis year they wuz gowna be slammin. Ah mean, if they had like Anthony Peeler from tha Kings, he wonna tha best guards in tha NBA, is TROO, but anyway they'd be tha best in tha league. But anyway, dese doo's was playin' mah game up in tha joint, and you know ah had to show them what time it was.

 

So, we get in there, and I think Cree'O is whuppin awn Mac, and I's like...DAYUM dis doo' is good. But Mac be playin like a bitch. Keif is all up in they shit tho', jumpin on they backs like a damn fly buzzin aroun' shit. But mah boyz don' mind cos they all in tha game. I walked up smooth, and just watched.

 

Cree'O wuz bein a bitch cos he was uzin tha Lakers, and is like, they is just some bitch ass team wif Karl Malone, and Gary Payton, Kobe, and Shaq, is too easy an' shit. But Mac was uzin dis weak ass team, tha mothafuckin Golden State Warriors. Ah mean, what tha fuck? But he was keepin it real, he was doin' aight. But Keif gettin' all worried an' shit, he want to see Cree'O win and shit. An' like, ah mean, they was a crowd around the doo's cos they all famous and shit, but Keif pushed his way up to tha front. All I wanted to do was get to tha JC, but Keif just had to watch his boyz play tha game.

 

At the end, Cree'O won of course, like 90-83, he kinda ran away wid da shit when Kobe got hot. But afterwards, Keif pulled some weak shit. He grabbed onto Cree'O, an Cree'O turn around ghetto style, like he gonna pull outta nine, you know cos in tha hood, they gotsta do dat shit. But Keif go, "Naw, naw, yo! Is cool!"

 

"Dat was disrespectful," Cree'O say, "Ah should blow ya'brains out. You got fah'seconds to tell me what yo shit is about."

"I'm sorry, yo," Keif say all sincerely, "I just wanted to watch ya'll game. I think you pretty good."

"Yeah, well, ah get a lotta practice, keed," Cree'O say. Damn dat doo' smoove. "Ah play dis mothafuckin game all day long."

 

"Well, I think I could beat you," Keif say. Who dis foo tryin ta foo? His game ain't even as good as mines, he goana play Cree'O? I mean, I think I could take Cree'O, actually...but Keif's game ain' shit.

 

"Beat me?" Cree'O say, laughin. "You don't know me, leel keed. Why donchu jes go back to playin' wid yo friend."

 

Dat offended da shit outta me, but I still wadnt sho' if I was gonna approchizach tha situation. Shizzle to tha nizzle, this mothafucka was tight, but I bet his shit could be exploited. So's I wuz jes like, go awn, Keif.

 

Nah, Keif wudn't no foo', but he had dis look in his eye. He jes grabbed a controller, and say, "Yo game."

 

I was like, DAYUM. I thought fo'sho' Keif was gonna go'heed wid dat, but he picked mah team, tha Hornets, and I couldn't wait to see Jamal Mashburn in action on tha 2kfoe'.

 

Mac and tha rest of the doo's was like, hollerin and shit, and Cree'O silenced dem wid a finger to tha lips. He grabbed his controller, and picked tha Lakers, and bam! Tha game started.

 

Nah, tha thing is, Shaq is good, but he slow. And tha Hornets got Jamaal Magloire, an' he ain't like a supastar, but he good enuff, and Keif knows his Hornets, you nahm'sayin? So, ball is dropped, tipped by Shaq, and tha Lakers had it. Keif din show no emotion tho', and dis how tha game pretty much went...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, as we wuz leavin, Keif got all emotionizizal and I say...yo, we gotsta get dis game, and you gotsta practice. He was jes excited to play wif Kroo, but now it was all personal and shit. We lef tha sto' fellin confidizent, but also...revengizent...full, yo.

 

And nah we go foe' Chaptizah three.

 

* * *

 

Yeeeeeuuhh, dayum dis feels like da right chaptah to talk to yizall about tha upcoming Autumn Sale foe' Kroo Wear. It about fitty percent awf all da shit dat we haven't sold in like two years...like, tha Platinum Series Diamond Studded Doo-Rag--dat shit was tight fo' 2001, but it old school now, so we throwin' tha shit out. Also we got tha Ultimate Defense Book Bag. Yo is like a reggelah bookbag but when summody is venna get close, dis Book Bag spits out phat lyric from Kroo to INDIMIDATE pizeople out they minds. So nobawdy come near you. It also fitty percent awf because now we jes have a bullet proof Book Bag dat also shoots nine milli bullets from all angles. But if you still wanna bang old school, get da Ultimate Defense Book Bag--which is now called tha Ultimate Defense Book Bag Too.

 

And now for Chaptah Free...

 

Okay, so when we laz leftawf, Keif and I wuz buyin tha NBA game foe' Play Station 2, and afterwards we had some A&W foe' lunch. Den we went and got tha new hoodie and shit at tha Penny, and bounced. When we lef, we wuz like supastars already becuz peoples was comin' up to us congratulatin' us and shit.

 

It was slammin. When we went home, Keif and I put on tha game, and I could already see that NBA 2004 was different from 2003 in a few respects. I mean, firzdival, tha graphics were a little better, but also you could do some moves you couldn't in 2003, and dat shit thew bof us awf. So Keif had dis idea to buy tha mothafuckin Strategy Guide--and I wuz like WHAT? Nobawdy in they right mind would do dat shit--you learn tha hard way, like when our parents usta play tha Nintendo and they'd play Double Dribble--I mean, dat shit was tha rawest, and the most comprehensive basketball game ever designed. So we had to go back to tha basics. And we played Double Dribble all night till we realized dat actually, it didn't really matter if you played Double Dribble--nahm'sayin those is two way different games...NBA Live 2004 is like...well, they got like 10 buttons to use. Nintendo had 2 buttons. I mean, it jes was in different leagues.

 

But after about a week or two of practicizin, Keif claim he wuz ready even tho' I still whooped him good a few time when he had his team (which wuz tha Timberwolves) and I had mines (which you know is tha Hornets). Now, we played around a little bit, and I created dis fly team I called THA SHIT, and THA SHIT had AI, and David Robinson, and Tim Duncan along with Mashburn of course, but I had to move around a few players to make it all work. But of course, Keif couldn't use THA SHIT because I had saved it on mah memory card, and you couldn't do dat shit in tha mall. But Keif had really developed some skills I had seen while playing him all week. And we din do NUFFIN all week while we waited foe' tha big game. But we saw on MTV that KROO had mentioned Cree'O playin' a big NBA Live game dis weekend, and so we knew they'd be a big turnout at tha mall. I wasn't sho' I wanted all that attention, but Keif looked like he was ready.

 

One thing you gosta rilize about Keif is dat he a playa. He don't take no shit, he jes claim it. Like back when we wuz little, Keif wuz ballin wid me and a few other friends, and he saw dis one doo' widda blue snowcone. Now we all know tha Snowcone Man come around noon or he come around foe' o'clock, but Keif don' ever buy his own snowcones cuz he a cheap ass. Instead he jes take it from tha otha kids. Dis situation wuz no differizent. He walk up to tha kid and go, "Hey yo, gimmie dat snowcone." And usually, cos Keif is such a big doo', he get what he wants. But dis doo' wanted to spar--and Keif would have nunna dat. So he knocked tha doo' wid da snowcone tha fuck out, and took tha snowcone fo' his sizelf.

 

See wuddamean about Keif? He is jes that way. So all week he had been preparin', and dis time he wanted to use tha Timberwolves cos he say tha Hornets is garbage on 2004, which I disagree wid but I'll let Keif have his way. It was Friday night, and it was time to go back to tha mall. Keif's mamma aksed him where he was fenna go, and Keif jes go, "I'm goin to tha mall wid mah boys," and his mamma don' wanna have no part in dat so she always jes goes, "Go on ahead, donchu come back wid no girls!". She hate women I think, even though she is a woman.

 

Befo' I stop dis chapter, which was, I admit, a weak ass chapter, I would like to say dat tha ride over once again was not worth writing about. It was as borin' as hell.

 

* * *

 

CHAPTUH FOE' IS OFF THA HOOK

 

YOO! Finally, dis is tha last chapter, and dis one has all kinds climaxes and shit. Lemme paint tha picture.

 

Okay, like firzdival, I already tole you about tha mall. Now, tha mall on Friday night is usually fulla peoples anyway--but AWN DIS NIGHT? Sheeeit, they wasn't no room NO PLACE. You couldn't move, literally. Everybody was packed in to watch tha show between Cree'O and Keif. Tha crowd from befoe' was there again, and they was all trying to get autographs from Cree'O and MacDawgnawld's who was also there. In fact, all tha KROO membaz wuz there. It looked like they wuz gonna play a show afterward or something like that because they had dis PA system all hooked up, plus they had some bouncers and shit, and a stage marked off near tha Cinnabun in the food court. At the EB, there wasn't no way nobody was gettin' in. Except for me and Keif. They was all nice to him, not to me tho', I think they thought I was gonna attack summody or somethin'. But is like, they jes paranoid.

 

But anyway, we filed into tha place, and Keif was greeted by tha big Mac, who look a lot like Ice Cube but like three hundid pounds HEAVIER nahm'sayin? Mac came up to Keif and grab him and go, "Yo, you ready?"

 

Keif was like, "Yeah, whatever," and I was like, damn. I mean, Keif wasn't lettin' nobawdy tell him what time it was. I think Keif had his game face on. I even tried a little bit of Awwww sheeeeeeiiittt but he go, "Nah, nah, go 'head wid dat, Tay." I couldn't believe Keif wasn't up foe' that shit, but I backed tha fuck awf and let him do his thang.

 

So the lights dimmed--well, actually they didn't dim, summody broke one of the lights in tha room, so the room got darker. But it was all good for the mood of the place. Tha managers of tha sto' closed awf tha do' and tha match began. Once again, Cree'O took tha Lakers. And mah boy took tha Timberwolves. Cree'O gave him a nod, and go, "Good choice." I was like, what wrong wid da Hornets? They never get no love. The game came up, and it was AWN, mah bruvas.

 

In tha first quarter, nahm'sayin it was a ril close game. It was like, Keif was on a trail, den it was Cree'O who came back, den they wuz tied fo' a while. I think tha end of tha first quarter was like fitty to foedy-fahve.

 

I know ya'llz be thinkin'...dayum, dis s'bosed to be tha illest off tha heezy chapter and so far is borin' as hell. Well, dat's because, ya'llz should know dis...only da lazdoo minnits of a basketball game are excitizin! Dayum ya'llz is like...brick heads and shit.

 

Aight, so, after tha half it was at like 76-80, an' Cree'O was leadin. Now was dat a fact dat I needed to explizain to yizall and waste mah words? Din think so. So, see, as tha storyteller, I know whaddahm talkin bout.

 

Okay...now, we in tha fourth quarter. An' is tied up again. Tha lights got dimmer, cos somuvah light done broke. MacDawgnawld's wuz gettin' pissed, too.

 

"Go'heed wid dis lightin, shit," he say, "I mean, ya'll need to learn how to conserve yallz energy."

 

He had a good point. Tha boyz at tha EB needed to rekinize dat you need to turn yo' shit off when tha sto' is closed. Muthafuckas don't lissen tho.

 

 

Dayum, ah mean, your boy can rhyme, he got skeelz, but sometime it take a lot out of him, so I gotsta go'heed wid dat shit fo' a while. Anyway, it was in overtime. An' Keif was wipin' sweat off his head. He look like a damn sponge. Anyway, Cree'O was gettin' AWL mad because Kobe was hurt fo' tha game, and he had to use some scrub, I think it was Rick Fox or somethin' like dat. An' he a scrub. But again, it was back and forth, and Keif was in tha lead the entire time. Cree'O was gettin' all mad, an' his boyz KROO wuz ready to bounce up outtie old school style, when Cree'O finally thew tha controller to tha flo'.

 

Everybody in tha place stopped movin'. Hell they stopped BREEVIN.

 

"Yo," Keif hissed, pausizin' tha game. "What--"

 

"Dis shit ain' fo rizel," Cree'O say. "I want to start over. Dis was practice."

 

Tha crowd was like...WHAT? Everybody said "WHOA!"

 

"Nah, nah," Keif say, "we finish dis game. Now."

 

"Cree'O, dis game ain' no children shit. Dis is ril. Come on, nah, go head wid dat," said MacD.

 

I wuz jes stunned, just like tha rest of tha crowd. Everybody looked at Cree'O all nervous, and then he looked at Keif. He looked down to tha flo', and I think he felt bad. He took his controller. Keif was about to unpause tha game, when Cree'O put his hand on Keif's.

 

"You win," Cree'O say. "You ain't a chump."

 

We wuz still all like, whathafuckizgoinawn but we couldn't do nuffin about tha situation.

 

"I don't understand," Keif say. "Dis was supposed to end. We put an end to this."

 

"Nah," Cree'O say, "you won tha game jez by comin' here."

 

All tha sudden, there was dis hum from behind. Like a choir singin'.

 

"You stood up to me, like a man would," he say. "Now, exit tha game."

 

Tha humming got louder. But Keif wes jes shakin' his head. "No, dis is fo' real, dis game has to end."

 

Cree'O sighed. "I never lost to anyone befoe'," he say. "I cain' finish dis."

 

Den MacD come up and patted him on tha shoulder. "Cree, dis doo' here was brave. You gotsa respect dat."

 

Cree'O STEEL wouldn't do nuffin. We din know what to do. We waited and waited...it was like ten minutes befoe' anybody did anything. People started to leave, and then it happened.

 

Cree'O grabbed his controller, and told Keif, "Yo, start tha game up."

 

Keif nodded, and he pushed play. They went back at it. And you know what? Keif did win. I don't know if Cree'O jes stopped playin' cos he wanted to lose, or if he really jes couldn't beat Keif. But Keif was beamin' like a blayzah after tha game, and tha celebrations began!

 

Tha final score was 110-107, and Keif was immediately attacked by all da women cos that be typical when you win sumpin, and then he was attacked by all tha other fans he accumulated by beating a KROO member. This was followed by Keif bein' approached by KROO themselves. Firz came MacD, who shook his hand, den came  Grappa D, who hugged him, den came T-Q , who patted his back, and finally came Cree'O. Cree'O apprizoched Keif slowly, dramatically. Nahm'sayin' it was straight outta tha movies and shit.

 

"Aight," Cree'O say, puttin his hand into a fist, "good game," he held up his fist, and Keif knocked it wid his. Then, Cree'O grabbed him and put his arm around him, beatin' Keif's back wid his fist, respectfully. I thought tha bitch was fenna start cryin' and shit, like a lil' baby, but Cree'O was cool, and Keif was cool.

 

So everybody up in tha place started feelin love, and then DJ Boss Rafadelious, tha previous KROO DJ who represizented them a long time ago, jumped on tha mike, and started spinnin some shit dat was off tha hook. We wuz all passin around Smirnoff Ices and shit, and tha party began. It was fo rizel tha shizel.

 

Everybody started tryin' they own rhymes, and den MacD came up to me because he saw I was jammin' a lil' bit jes by mahself, and he go..."Yo, you got rhymes? You got skeelz?"

 

I turned and looked at him...I knew mah boy Keif was watchin cos' bitch was grinnin...I looked at MacD and I go...

 

 

And tha rest is hisizistory, yo.

 

Peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A, B, to tha mothafuckin C

H I High! J, K, L,

M And M and M and N,

and O! P! 

to tha mothafuckin'

Cell phone say what? 

What, what, you cain' read? 

ABC easy as 123

 

PUEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!